Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Open Relationship Anyone?

While flipping through the channels yesterday, I found a great discussion about open marriages. A married couple of 8 years; (with children) both educated with great careers, maintaining an open marriage. Open meaning, she had other "partners" and he as well. How did he get started you ask? He came home from work one day and said, "I think I'm in love with someone else". My reaction, "Bye!" Her reaction, "OK, let's talk about this." After admitting that she loves her husband dearly, she said she'd rather face matters like that head on and with a open mind versus him doing it behind her back. They have met and hung out with each others partners and at least once a week they devote time to "the others" for sex but then come back home to the spouse.

Now I love my man. I truly value our friendship and honesty but I'll be damned if I could allow that form of agreement. For someone to use the term, "in love" means you've invested time with someone else long enough to develop feelings for them. You're not just sleeping with her, you are building a true relationship. How would he have time to do that when your wife is at home with the kids? When would his free time become time given to someone else? We all live our own lives. We march to the beat of our own drums and we all probably have different definitions of what a great relationship entails. And in this situation, I could not, and would not be that attentive to my mans needs. I have compromised. "Yes we can have "Football Sundays", I agree to do all the grocery shopping, hell I'll even wear that little lace thingy whenever you want." But sharing my man; I can't do.

Truth be told, an open relationship is just freedom to "get it" on the side then have the luxury to go back home to your main man. Many sources have said that Will and Jada are in a committed, yet open relationship. And just recently I found that Mo'Nique and husband of 4 years, Sidney are riding that same train. In the famous comedian's own words and I quote, "Could I have sex outside of my marriage with Sidney? Yes. Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That's not a deal-breaker." So there you have it. Although I may not agree, that's someone elses meaningful way of life. If two consenting adults are willing to spread it freely, then I say "Honey, spread it like the sun don't shine."

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The Cougar vs The Pussy Cat

In my entire 35 years on this earth, I can finally admit I'm comfortable in my own skin. As a young woman, I remember wanting nothing more than hitting up the clubs, the occasional "girls night" out with my friends and of course, a decent man. I would wait to get approached, play that little cat and mouse game, exchange numbers and ear hustle for a minute to quickly find out the relationship was going no where. Back to the drawing board, back to the club and oh yeah, back to square one. After years of short-lived relationships and some "aiight" sex, I always found myself not getting exactly what I was looking for. Looking back on that, I now realized that when you're young you tend to give a guy the upper hand. Back then it was ok to wait for the call, ok to wait for that date, it was ok to just wait. It was not until I reached that "30 and over" club that I realized that if you don't take what you want, you'll probably never get it.

I'm finding that the 30 year mark is usually that "fuck it" stage. I would probably hit up a lounge during happy hour with my co-workers and buy his ass a drink. "No I don't want your number, hell you don't even have to tell me your name." It's almost like the roles have been reversed and the shoe is now on the other foot. It's amazing watching a guy get flattered when you walk up on him and give him the same slick shit that he practices in the mirror every night before the club, "Damn you smell good." I think for a man, when the tables have turned, they don't know how to react.

Don't get me wrong, I work with young women who truly handle their business but life experience trumps that shit every time. You take that 30 something year old, divorced, educated, great job, own home and car....she's seen it all, heard it all and probably done it all. She's been locked down to one man for a minute now and has the opportunity to start all over. Knowing now, what she wish she knew then, that's a force to be wrecked with.

Bottom line, my bottom line....there's a reason they call us "Cougars". We are very calculated creatures. We took the game and perfected it. We don't make the rules, we invented the rule book. And you better believe, by the time you feel you've figured it out, we done already switched it up on you. Fellas, you got a lot of catching up to do...we are slowly taking over.